Because I’ve never tried to pin you here,

the page cannot hold you.

Because there are no words, because

there are too many words.

Because I’ve known you, because I’ve

all my life known you.

Because you went first, you led us into

the dark place, because you

went mad first, because you scared us.

Because we watched you, hoping.

We watched you, afraid and hoping.

Because you were brave in your

madness, because you were brave.

It frightened us. We wanted you back,

we wanted you. Because you

were the best of us, because once you

were the best of us. Because I cannot

now find you. Because I am lost.

Because it took me this long to go mad

myself. Because I followed you.

Goddamn you, I followed you.

Because you frighten me still, because

I am not you, I keep repeating, please,

I am not you, no not now, not now, Susan, finally.